Book Review: Curious?

I was working on the Random Pages of this website with ChatGPT and I hit the GPT-4 message cap, again.

While waiting for it to cool down, I remember I have a therapist session coming up, so I decided to pickup the Curious? book recommended by my therapist (bonus: we could talk about this).

It was quite a long book. I read it by reading the quotes first, and if I find anything interesting, I jump back to the book to read the context for that quote.

The quotes: https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/6317824-curious-discover-the-missing-ingredient-to-a-fulfilling-life

Book Excerpts

Interesting things I found in the book.

Open to Human Interactions

Be Open

Expect in advance that you might diverge in some major areas. If you view these differences as opportunities instead of dangerous roadblocks, you can get the best possible outcome in the situation. Don’t avoid topics out of fear. So what if you differ in your views of race, politics, and religion; it might end up being a harmonious mix. Just stay open and actively listen to what they have to say. If you are afraid you might miss their point, check in and ask: “It sounds as if you are saying . . . is this right?”

or “Let me see if I am following you . . . am I missing anything?” Everybody wants to be understood. Don’t guess. Be open, and find out.

Focus on the Interaction, Not the Ending control the outcome, only your actions and perceptions. Judge your performance, not the outcome. The worst-case scenario is you don’t make a new friend or start a relationship. It might be a civil, friendly conversa-

Don't guess, be open, and find out.

Since a few years ago I've become quite outcome or purpose-oriented when it comes to interacting with people that I'm not familiar/close with.
I think I need to read this.

I told my therapist R that I don't just ask (non-close) people random questions like what do you do for fun now, because I feel it's kind of personal and requires people to share things with me, which they may not be comfortable with.

R asked me how I made friends in high school. Yes, by asking questions. He also joked about that these questions are not all that personal, not like what's your childhood trauma.
Well, point made and received! I'll keep that in mind next time I'm hesitant to ask questions.

We and the society love certainty

Other people and society also give us a clear message that there are benefits to being certain and decisive, to finding firm answers to questions and closure, and, when possible, to avoiding ambiguity and the tension that it brings. Isn’t this what you want from your favorite news anchor and journalist when there is talk of how to invest your money, plan for the hurricane season, or remain healthy and prevent life-threatening diseases? Isn’t this what you want from your auto mechanic when you ask about the rattling noise in your car? You feel safe and secure when they can pinpoint the exact problem.

Unfortunately, there are costs to working hard to feel safe, secure, and confident. We often end up shutting down our search for information too early in the process. In essence, we quickly become close-minded

I dig deep on things I'm interested in, but how I do that isn't the most efficient way.

And there's confirmation bias, I look for information that confirms my biased assumption.

If I think something's good, I'd search for aspects of why it's good, and don't search for why xxx sucks.

From Forbes: To avoid the dangers of confirmation bias, business leaders must actively seek out diverse viewpoints and opinions.

Other Thoughts

Need for certainty?

I consider myself a curious and adventurous person, but at the same time I find it difficult to break certain walls. It's all in my head. The barriers.

Part of my life is adventurous and exciting, part of it is boring, repetitive, and I don't always give it too much attention, or make small changes in that part to make it more interesting (but I'm trying to do that)

I was never not curious. I'm curious about everything. But I need to allocate my limited attention to things that matters.

Note to self: don't use no it doesn't matter as an excuse to not do something because not doing it is comfortable.

I find myself knowing a lot more than my peers (meaning the breadth of knowledge). I learned most things on the Internet. When I'm interested in a topic, I'll find everything I want to know about it, opening hundreds of browser tabs (yes you heard it right).

If something is available online and I can find / learn it within an acceptable amount of time, I feel that I shouldn't ask other people for help. When I open an Issue on GitHub I always make sure I've almost tried everything I can find. When somebody is doing better at something than I do, I feel they wouldn't consider helping me as a valuable use of their time, so I generally don't ask the question how do you do it so good.

I should change that.