- Published on
Seeking Help is Strength & Why I (Still) Go to Therapy
- Authors
- Name
- Teddy Xinyuan Chen
I'm writing this to share what I've learned, and challenge the stigma around therapy some people (who grew up in China) have I talked to (they think you need to be clinically depressed or a psychopath to go to therapy, lol). No, people seek help because they want help and they think they can use some help, it's that simple.
I'm a firm believer of the importance in seeking help and the strength it demonstrates. I go to therapy to explore myself, and to induce changes.
As some of you may know, I've been going through a hard time after the breakup.
I knew I couldn't handle it myself, so I sought a lot of help, including therapy, I tried group sessions and 1:1s, and sticked to the latter.
I'm not strong enough to do that, and that's a good thing, meaning I haven't been through something even worst that would've crushed me completely.
I'm proud of myself for seeking help. People who've taken time to listen to or read what I have to say, thank you. I'm grateful for your help and couldn't have done it without you.
A while ago I was very introspective and analytical. I journaled a lot. I scrape the Internet searching for answers. I'm too special, I wanted to know if there's someone out there like me in some aspects.
I learned cognitive reframing, recognized my cognitive distortions and biases.
I read the book Whole Again, I tried to fit myself into the definition of cluster-B abusers, and try to self-diagnose if I have a certain type of personality disorder.
I thought I had it, but my therapist R said he didn't think so. Because if you pull out the DSM-5, everyone will fit some of the criteria of some personality disorders.
He asked me why I thought I had it, I try to fit myself into each and every criteria, and I couldn't say I'm a good match. And I felt attached to the reality, and R confirmed that. So I'm fine. I'm not a evil monster described in the book.
I was anxiously attached, but a few days ago someone talked to me about it, and I retook the test, it said I'm secure this time. That's a bit surprising but good! Never expected to change within such a short time.
R told me even as a therapist, he goes to therapy too. To see his life from a different perspective, to explore new ideas. Can't do that alone. R said he also got caught in his patterns, just like we all do. Extra help is always good.
In our last session, I asked why he described his psych program as a lot of reflective work, and how I could be more analytical and introspective.
He told me that I already was. From all those self-journals and communications, he saw that in me.
In that session we tried something new - imagining social situations, what would I do? What could I change? It's been really helpful.
During the journal, I also also rediscovering my past, my trauma (not just the obvious one), going way back, and how I'm shaped by some experiences.
Asked and got asked a lot of why's. Asking questions is just the thing therapists do.
Why do you think grandpa Rick has turned himself into a pickle? Why do you think it's anti-pickle serum? You're extra analytical today
One of the most important thing I learned is asking why's. It doesn't to be good, but it needs to be asked.
Not surprisingly, our brains can short-circuit and avoid doing the hard analytical work without a why.
Another things is I want to normalize this, R would say this when I feel my thoughts were less common.